NFL Player Predictions

Before I head off to Yogis for yet another Bloomington drinking adventure, a few predictions on some surprises and disappointments this year. In no particular order:

1) J'Marcus Webb makes the Pro Bowl as an alternate and gets signed to a long term contract. Gabe Carimi also gets strong consideration. Webb, the former seventh rounder from Nowhere Directional State (aka: I'm too lazy to look it up right now) becomes one of the better stories of the NFL year.

I'm pretty sure this OL will be better off without Olin Kreutz, whose asshole attitude long ago became his strongest attribute. When you're an offensive lineman, I hate to break it to ya, but blocking is more important than sucker punching teammates.

2) The Bengals and the Seahawks vie for the title of Worst Team in the NFL. Despite this, Marshawn Lynch rushes for over 1,000 yards and eight TDs. My fantasy interests may have something to do with the second half of this prediction.

3) Bill Belichik and the Patriots miss the playoffs and go 8-8. Albert Haynesworth doesn't play in more than six games.

4) The Bears make the playoffs, and Johnny Knox pushes Roy Williams to the bench by Game Three. Knox finishes with over 1,000 yards receiving, the first Bear to do so in almost a decade. Rookie Dane Sanzenbacher finishes with over 40 catches. Williams finishes with under 40 and ends the season on IR.

5) Your out-of-nowhere WR star? Oakland WR Derek Hagan. Just remember I called it. This is what is referred to as a "low-risk" projection, since I look like a genius if/when it happens, and there is absolutely no risk of looking like an idiot if/when it doesn't. I have Hagan with over 900 total yards and as many as 10-11 TDs. Really, who's goanna push him on that Raiders team? Jacoby Ford? It's not a track meet, folks. Darius Heyward-Bey? HAH!

Anyway, Derek Hagan. You heard it here first.

6) I'll roll with the other totally impartial ACSS writers on Super Bowl projections. Bears over, oh hell, Houston for the Super Bowl title. And absolute insanity in Indianapolis as 500,000 Chicago fans descend on our sleepy neighbor to the south.

7) I'll be in Indy making chili and selling it for $5 a cup when this happens. All week long. Ohhhh yes.