ESPN is totally not the Eastcoast Sports Propaganda Network

Anybody out there see what was on ESPN during primetime last night. Boston Celtics vs the Orlando Magic on ESPN and Boston Red Sox vs Texas Rangers. “

Don’t worry, we are biased, we are just showing two Boston games cause………”

I understand ESPN is in the Business of making money and these two Boston teams draw ratings, but come on. Thankfully Hockey was on my new favorite network, NBC Sports.

New "This is Sportscenter Commercial"

Ozzie on E:60

This Day in Sports (Jordan Scores 63)

New Alex Ovechkin "This Is SportsCenter" Commercial

White Sox on ESPN tonight

The only reason I am making note of this is because of what ESPN normally shows. If you turn on ESPN to watch a baseball game, 98% of the time (completely made up stat) the game will feature one or both of these teams; Yankees, Red Sox, Mets, Phillies, Dodgers, Cubs. Maybe you hadn't noticed but those six teams get more air time then any other team. I know ESPN is in the business of making money and those six teams move the ratings needle which means more money for Disney. That's why I think it's good tonight to see an important game played between two teams that weren't mentioned before.

Anyway, go White Sox and good luck to Edwin Jackson in his White Sox Debut

This is the Worst Article I've Read in a Long Time

So I clicked on the link to this article expecting to find a fun read ranking the best sports months of the year. I couldn't even get half way through it before I had to write about it. I almost didn't want to link it because it gives him extra hits.

After getting to #5 worst month (October) I was so fed up I scrolled down to see what was number 1. Any guesses? February!?!?!? the month universally regaurded as the worst month of the sports year. It's ranked #1 soley because of the Super Bowl. yeah the event is great but everything else sucks. MLB and NFL are done, NBA, College Hoops and NHL are in full mid-season cruise control with no real care. The Daytona 500 is fun, but that it. 2 days does not make a great month.

Back to October, the reason he ranks it so low is because the World Series has featured "Phillies, Rays, Rockies, Astros and Cardinals. Those clubs just don't make the nation tune in." Umm What? First off, the nation loves the Cardinals and Phillies. Secondly, WHO CARES WHAT TEAMS HAVE BEEN IN RECENTLY!?!?!?! That shouldn't effect a months status.

I'll prob do my own power rankings soon, but this is crap and more crap.

ESPN Doesn't want to Upset Lebron

This Article from NBC is very interesting. ESPN apparently pulled an article about Lebron hosting a party in Las Vegas only minutes after it went up.

30 for 30: Straight Outta LA

Did anyone out there watch ESPN’s 30 for 30: Straight Outta LA? I did, and I thought it was terrible. I know instantly what Fodor is thinking, “Rich White Boy be hating and keeping the Man down.” First off Fodor, your white and from the rough streets of Evanston Illinois, where Northwestern is located so calm down. 2nd, I didn’t think it was a bad documentary and as a white kid from the ‘burbs we all know I rocked Dre, Cube, Snoop and Easy E in my car all the time. The reason I didn’t like it, was because it was a documentary that should have been on MTV, not ESPN.

As many of you may or may not know, I was born in LA and my family spent about 5 years out there during the time the Raiders were in LA. In that time, my Dad watched a lot of Raiders game, and they kind of became his second team. I don’t remember any of this, but have talked to him numerous times growing up about LA and the sports scene. Because of this and other reasons, the Raiders have been one of my favorite non-Bears sports teams. So I was excited, to see what was going to be said about the Raiders. Why they moved to LA, what it was like while they were there, what drove Al Davis so crazy that he packed up and left back to Oakland, only to play in the same stadium he left.

What I ended up watching was an hour long documentary the spent 80% of the time talking about Gangsta rap and how NWA used Raiders gear to brand themselves. Great, interesting story, I know Ice Cube would be talking some about himself, but seriously, the this is a sports documentary.

Where was the sports? The teams the Raiders had in Oakland before the move and while playing in LA had some iconic players and coaches. Marcus Allen, Jim Plunkett, Howie Long, John Madden and of course Al Davis. All of these players were regulated to second class citizens in this film.

Ice Cube wanted to tell his story that involved the Oakland Raiders. He accomplished that, but the sports story was about the Oakland Raiders, not about Ice Cube. I’m glad he made the film, but next time, don’t show it on ESPN.

Eastcoast Sports Propaganda Network Talks About Chicago

I checked out ESPN.com this morning and to my suprise, three of the four lead stories dealt with Chicago Sports teams! Of course they other one was a Boston artilce.

One Step Closer to the ESPN 8 The Ocho

ESPN has annouced that it's online video is being changed from ESPN360.com to ESPN3.com. This could lead the next step of makeing ESPN3 an actual cable channel and bring us one step closer to joining Lance Armstrong and watching Dodge Ball on the OCHO

Noffke's Mission Accomplished

That's right folks. I set this dumb goal a long time ago and I finally accomplished it. I wanted to be in Stewart Mandel's Mailbag, and wanted to have my question answered in one of Bill Simmons chats.

In 2008 I accomplished my Mandel goal. Scroll to the bottom of this post and I am Steve from Chicago.

The coolest thing about writing to Mandel is he responds to your e-mails even if he doesn't post them in his mailbag. I have written him 3 or 4 other questions that I was curious about, like what does the HD stand for in Penn State's Spread HD offense, and he will write a personal e-mail in response. Real cool guy and one of my favorite sports writers.

The second part of my goal got accomplished today. I know it's a long chat, but in there you will find this

Steve (Chicago)


What's Worse. A staute built to Bud Selig, or the NBA championship trophy being named after Larry o'Brien?

Bill Simmons (2:00 PM)


The Larry O'Brien trophy. By the way, I tweeted this yesterday but I'm saying it again... I think the Selig statue should have smaller statues of baseball players roiding up in front of it while the Selig statue looks the other way. And I think it should be blacked out every Saturday afternoon during baseball season.



Amazing! This is right up there with befriending my neighbor Minnie Minoso. I am way to proud of this and yes I am a huge nerd.

Tiger Swings Trading

This will excite business nerds like myself out there. I found the above picture and this intresting article on espn.com. It's amazing the power of Tiger.

Derek Jeter: Overated

I could go on and on about how Derek Jeter isn't really that good in the post season, he's just had more attempts then most players. But I find Tim Keown's espn.com article from today does a pretty good job summing it up.

"Here's one reason so many people love to hate the Yankees: The lovefest for Derek Jeter knows no bounds. It's natural to attempt to find fault with a guy who is constantly praised to the heavens and beyond, and that's why so many people get so excited in the effort.



And this isn't a criticism, just an observation: If I had watched Bobby Abreu's Game 3 baserunning mistake -- back-picked at second by Jeter and Mark Teixeira in the bottom of the 8th -- with the sound down on the television, I would have considered it a perfect example of the Yankees' ability to execute defensively. They're pros.



But since the sound was on, it's a different story. We were shown replays of the play and told over and over how brilliant Jeter is because he thought the play was at third but the play ended up being at second and there was nobody there to tell him.



Nobody there? Really? Even though Teixeira was right there to take the throw and apply the tag? I mean, let's get real: Jeter is a great player, but sometimes things happen on the field -- really cool things -- that don't center on him.



Teixeira followed the runner, just like every first baseman is supposed to do but not all do. He was right there. He made the play. Jeter would be the first to admit that."

Funny NFL Logo brought to you by ESPN

Kurt Snibbie has one of the better jobs on ESPN.com by creating funny piece of art that are relevant to the sports world. Today's post (found here) was especially funny so I thought I'd share. My personal favorite is the Rams. Enjoy!

Dissecting ESPN's Scouts Inc. NFL Rankings By Position: The Wide Receivers

I feel like I let the loyal five readers of this blog down by saying I would write my second post a day after my first...and proceeded to wait nearly two weeks instead, so I decided to be overly generous/ambitious/superkalafragilisticexpialidocious and write a second post in one day!

(Truthfully, it's because I'm terribly alone, and my only friend was a 1-900# operator who has decided she is too good for my Discover Card these days)

So without further ado, here is my rundown of the Top 10 Wideouts as ranked by ESPN (Must be an Insider to view rankings/grades...which if you're cheap like me you have a friend who lets you use their Insider password, thanks Braden!)

(Grades in () )

1. (Tie) Reggie Wayne (93): Ok, let me start by saying that ESPN begins Wayne's scouting report by indicating that he has been one of the best no.2 receivers in the league over the past 8 seasons (dually noted, and I agree). But they then go on to say that he NOW has a chance to be a no.1 this season. Did I miss something last season? Because I believe that his 82 receptions for 1,145yds made him their numero uno then above the now-unemployed/noted arms outlaw Marvin Harrison (08: 60rec, 636yds). With Peyton Manning chuckin' the ball surgically around the field, I think I could even be a good receiver. I do think that Reggie is definitely among the top 5 receivers in the league, but to be rated the highest? Meh, its up for debate.

1. (Tie) Randy Moss (93): Words most often associated with the State of West Virginia: Mountains, Hillbillies. So for a 6-time Pro-Bowler to come out of there almost automatically makes him their most famous native ever (take that Don Knotts!). The guy has played 11 seasons in the league, and has only been held under 1,000 receiving yards twice (his last season with the Vikings, and his last season with the Raiders); Both of which happen to also be the only seasons he didn't play in all 16 games (13 for each). With Tom Brady back in good health, I don't see any reason why they can't get back into the record-setting groove they carved out in 2007. Randy also has the illustrious distinction of having the creepiest likeness in mask form for an NFL player:

1. (Tie) Andre Johnson (93): This guy has made the Pro-Bowl 3 times...with David Carr (2004, 2006) and Matt Schaub (2008) as his QBs. If that doesn't speak volumes for this guy's skills, I don't know what will.

4. Larry Fitzgerald (92): Quite possibly most people's #1 Fantasy Receiver choice this year. This guy is just damn good, and as long as the Madden Curse doesn't affect him this year, he'll be heading to Honolulu Miami for the 3rd time in his short career...but of course he'll become the black sheep of his family if his brother signs a contract after being drafted by the California Redwoods of the prestigious United Football League.

5. Steve Smith (91): Noticeable Napoleon Complex aside, Smith has been a driving force on the Panthers offense since he was drafted by them in 2001. This year he was able to avoid punching a teammate during training camp (Ken Lucas wasn't available as a target after leaving on free agency); So as long as the minor shoulder injury he sustained recently not be an issue, he should be good for another 1000+ yard season.

"What was that Ken? You better stop talkin' shit or Wes Welker and I are going to get the Mini Receiver Mafia together and start biting some ankles"

6. Brandon Marshall (88): Well he's been suspended by his team for basically acting like a jackass and throwing childish tantrums that would make Jay Cutler look like a Saint (the pious kind, not the kind that play football in their city's largest public bathroom). But seriously, if I learned that my Pro-bowl QB was traded for Neckbeard I'd throw a shit-fit tantamount to a preschooler's too. *Keeps fingers crossed for a trade here still*

"They traded Jay for Who?!"

7. (Tie) Terrell Owens (85): The guy has been called a locker-room cancer on pretty much every team he has been on, but his numbers do speak a great deal for his talent having only caught for under 1000 yards once in this millennia. Although this time instead of crying for his QB's honor like he did in Dallas, this time he'll probably be crying to the media because he has to live in Buffalo...speaking of which, in Buffalo do they call Buffalo Wings just Wings?


7. (Tie) Chad Ochocinco (85): Ok, who's the smartass on Scouts Inc.'s staff who gave Ocho the 85 rating? HAHAHA...go play in traffic. Now that aside, I actually like Ocho and his antics. I think he's going to have a solid year as long as Palmer can stay healthy. Even if Chris Henry can stay out of handcuffs, I still think Ocho should see a boost in production since TJ Houshma...screw it, I'm not even gonna bother trying to spell that, is gone.

9. (Tie) Calvin Johnson (83): Wait a tick? He has a seemingly competent rookie QB this year? Well gee-golly we actually might get to see this guy actually be able to produce the numbers we know he's capable of! It wouldn't surprise me to see him jump a few spots on this list over the next few seasons if he has someone good throwing to him (even if that means getting traded...*keeps fingers crossed again*)

9. (Tie) Santonio Holmes (83): Nothing to say about this except that he's actually right about where I would think he should be on this list. That Super Bowl catch last year said it all. Oh but a word of advice Santonio? Stay away from digital cameras in the home...

(A note of thanks to the fine gents at Deadspin for covering Holmes' wang with Steely McBeam's face)

And finally we're going to play a little game called guess where the first Bear lands on the list...go ahead take your time.
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You ready?
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25. (Tie) Devin Hester (75): Well considering the fact that the guy has been an NFL receiver for only 1 full season I can't complain about this. But hey fellow Bears fans, let's look on the bright side...he's ranked higher than Berrien! (30th) I just hope that with all the money he's making Devin can cruise around the city in something sharp. Oh wait, he already is!

Stay Classy Dev!

Alright no honorable mentions this time, so stay tuned for my next post: Tight End

Dissecting ESPN's Scouts Inc. NFL Rankings By Position: The Running Backs

I know I said I was going to do this on a daily basis, and yes the majority of my time since my last post has been spent sitting on my couch watching tv/going out on the weekends, etc...But you all can kiss my ass, these things take time!

But anyways, I'm back to provide my insight on the Running Back's listed in the top 10 as provided by the 'Braintrust' at ESPN (you see I made a sarcastic joke there!)

(Grades in () )

1. LaDainian Tomlinson (89): The first thing I'd like to say is that I'm surprised that ESPN did not consider any of the RBs to be 'elite players' (which by grade would be 90-100). Anyways, I know people have said LT has lost it a little bit, and the Lillipution dynamo Sproles has taken some carries, but I say bullshit to the naysayers, the guy still rushed for 1,110 yards (his lowest amount while in the NFL) and caught for 426 at the age of 29...but look at this side by side and tell me they don't invoke similarity:

Predator = Badass (Even if the newer movies kinda blew)

2. Purple Jesus aka Adrian Peterson (88): Even though he has torn the Bears defense to pieces, this guy is a stud plain and simple. Although I still have grand visions of Prince Ogunleye going for his knees.

3. Brian Westbrook (86): At first I thought that this was an over-valued ranking because the guy has only has two 1,000+ yard seasons (and has never played a full 16 games). But the guy has not had the same reps that a lot of other highly regarded RBs have gotten, and in his 8 seasons of playing has never averaged under 4 ypc. I also like seeing him ranked this high since Matt Forte has been called the next Brian Westbrook (as stated by ESPN's KC Joyner).

4. Steven Jackson (84): Now I'll throw out the over-valued tag. I'll start to care when he can put up numbers like he did in '06 (1,528yds, 13tds) and he can stay healthy for more than 12 (which is the amount he has played each of the past two seasons).

5. (Tie) Michael Turner (84): I love Turner, the guy is a great back through and through. I said it time and time (yeah, I'm a fan of repetitious phrasing) again while he was with the Chargers that he would kick ass as a no.1 back. Lo and Behold, his first season as the premier back he puts up 1699 yds with 17tds. Plus I'm a homer and like the fact that he is from the Chicagoland area.

5. (Tie) Larry Johnson (84): Once again ESPN is thinking it is 2006. LJ, when healthy, has had some monster seasons (05: 1750yds, 20tds 06: 1789yds, 17tds). But since then hasn't played a full 16 game season. Can he revert back his old form? With the new coaching in KC, and me thinking they won't rely too heavily on Matt Cassel (who happens to be out 2-4 weeks with a sprained MCL anyway) putting up most of their points by throwing, I think that LJ just might have a good year (even though the team overall will still suck)...oh and this is all contingent on if he stops dressing like LL Cool J.

(LJ's cell phone rings...Who this? Brody Jenner? I don't know no F****** Brody Jenner. Whats that? I stole your metrosexual v-neck muscle shirt? My Bad)

7. Marion Barber (82): I like MBIII's abilities. Do I think he'll put up as high of numbers as some of the backs ranked below him? No, most likely not, but I think he'll still have a good season considering the fact that he'll be sharing carries with Felix Jones (as well as a handful (nice pun right?) to the greatest locker-room motivator in College FB history Tashard Choice)


8. Maurice Jones-Drew (81): The best 5'7" back in the game. This venerable bowling ball of the backfield will most likely get a nice boost in carries with Old-man Taylor heading up to NE. I think the ESPN Fantasy HOFer will have a good year. Plus anyone who lays out Shawne Merriman is worthy of a top 10 spot in my book.

9. (Tie) Ronnie Brown (80): I'd really like to offer some insight on to this, but for the life of me I just can't offer anything, well, insightful on Brown. I think he'll have a swell year, but I do think he's a little high on this list. So instead of offering you anything worthwhile, I'll just share this screencap of fellow Dolphins RB/Noted recreational herb enthusiast Ricky Williams in a Girls Gone Wild video:

9. (Tie) Clinton Portis (80): Clinton Portis, or one of his delightful split personalities, will probably have a sufficient season for the fantasy inclined. I like this spot for him on this list. Plus who can hate on Southeast Jerome?

(When reached for comment Herschel Walker said this Portis kid "doesn't have shit" on his split personalities)

11. (Tie) Matt Forte (79): I think that Forte will beat out some of the above ranked/mentioned players in production this year, but I don't want to be too hasty on putting him higher on the rankings. I think Forte does have the ability to become an elite back in this league, and Lord knows I love watching him play the way he has every game...but I also remember a running back named Anthony Thomas who rushed for over 1,000yds his rookie season with the Bears who is now unemployed. *Keeping my fingers crossed that Joyner was right about him being the next Westbrook...ya know, without the injuries though*

In closing, unlike my QB post, today I'm going to list the RBs who are better than, yet ranked below Reggie Bush (#22 on the list): Steve Slaton, LenWhale (because he's fat you see) White, Brandon Jacobs, Willie Parker, Ryan Grant, Jonathan Stewart, Willis McGahee, Ray Rice, CEDRIC F****** BENSON, and at least 5 more names, but I'm sick of typing.

Next up (this time whenever I get around to it): Wide Receivers

Does ESPN Hate Jay Cutler?

Now, before I begin writing this, I am very very very pro Cutler. He was my favorite non-Bear last season and I have enjoyed him in college. But does ESPN hate Jay Cutler?

In the 2-3 weeks since camp has started ESPN has way overblown two of his quotes.

First quote:

Denver is a 6 while Chicago is a 9.

Now this can seem to be like he’s putting Denver down, and if you read just that one line quote it does sound like a bitter player dising his old team. ESPN stirred up a frenzy with this and discussed for hours on a Thursday and Friday calling Cutler immature. This also got the city of Denver all worked up about it, now complaining about Cutler. Hell even the Sports Guy commented about it in a podcast. But his comments where based on what he heard from ESPN, who again just took this one line of quote and over analyzed it to kingdom come. The thing that shocks me, is that Cutler said this quote on Chicago’s ESPN Radio 1000. It occurred on their mid-day show Waddle and Silvy which I am a regular listener. It was a Monday and they were live at camp and were lucky enough to have Cutler join them. I listened to the entire interview and thought nothing spectacular was said just some good laughs and some Jay Cutler love. Thursday the ESPN storm clouds start forming and they start coming down on Cutler for his quote (So much for timely reporting). The problem was, they just used that quote, had they listened to the whole thing, or even the 1 minute leading up to that quote they would have realized he wasn’t putting down Denver. The entire conversation leading up to this quote was about Bears training camp and the atmosphere around training camp. Everyone and there sister could tell you that Bears fans are in a frenzy around Cutler and were super excited to see camp start. They broke their attendance record for camp. So while discussing what the camp atmosphere was like, Cutler said his 6 and 9 quote. Having never been to Denver’s camp, but I’m guessing in the time since Cutler has been there, there was never a camp like this one for obvious reasons. These types of camps only come with big signings or Championship seasons. So yeah, I bet 2009 Bears training camp has outshined all his other camps. He’s not trying to put Denver down, he was trying to express how crazy Chicagoans are going for him. I bet you anyone in Denver could have told you that Chicagoans are going crazier in camp this season then they ever have.

Second Quote:

Devin Hester is a go get it WR not a go up and get it WR.

Cutler got ESPN in a flurry about this too. The talking heads started making comments about how he threw his WR under the bus or what a terrible leader he is. What? Really? Maybe Cutler could have worded it better, but that’s a big assumption. Cutler was trying to say something along the lines of, in Denver I had guys like Marshall who, when I needed to force a throw, I could throw it up, and he would out jump everyone and catch it. Now that I’m here in Chicago, I shouldn’t throw it high cuase Hester won’t do that, I should throw it as far as I can cause Hester is the only one who has a chance to catch it. Cutler was putting the blame on himself and saying he needs to get used to his players and here’s how he’s going to get better. Not, Hester needs to do a better job of jumping, or GM needs to get me better WRs or throwing anyone under the bus. No, he was breaking down a play for the media, and the talking heads decided to dissect every last piece of it.



Now I might be lumping ESPN too much with Mark Sclerth. Why does Mark Schlerth hate Jay Cutler? (It pains me to rip into a fellow o-lineman who is usually so insightful). But since day 1 Mark has been tearing into this deal. He said the Bears are worse from the trade they made? HOW? We gave away 2 #1 picks a #2 and Orton. So with our 2009 draft pick we drafted Jay Cutler. So now it looks like we gave away a #1 and a #2. Two unproven players who have a 50% chance of never being good. Who doesn’t make this trade. But Stink had his feelings hurt that anyone would ever want to leave Denver (where if you ever listened to him, he played with one of the greatests QBs of all time so he is the expert on great QBs now not O-line play, if you have a great QB you never have to worry about it as an o-lineman, o did he mention he played with one of the greatest QBs? I honestly think he has that on his Business card).

So Ok, I understand, maybe the two players turn out and Cutler is just average whatever the deal might not work out, but he continues to attack Cutler on the stupidest things. Just get over it and move on buddy seriously.

So I guess I’ll leave it at that so I don’t upset ESPN too much and they threaten to remove the chip from my brain.

Bears First Preseason Game

One of the first things I did this morning was open up the Trib's sports section and read Rick Morrissey's article in which he basically says that Cutler has left him with an empty feeling after the first game, yada yada yada, unimportant babble. This article has given me a few questions for Mr. Morrisey: How dumb are you? Is this the first time you've ever watched a preseason game? Did you not believe Lovie Smith when he said the offensive game planning would be manilla? How did you get your job writing about the Bears?

Seriously, why would the Bears be show casing Jay Cutler's ability and the offensive game plan in preseason... not just preseason but the first game of preseason. The only thing the Bears needed was Jay to get off the field without an injury, which he did. The Bears don't need to showcase their offense for you Mr. Morrissey, they need to do whatever they can to win. This would include NOT showcasing their offense and giving away what they plan on doing this year. I'd rather win the game versus the Packers than ANY preseason games.

Which brings me to my next point: ESPN has down syndrome. I don't mean to mock those with this mental impairment but I don't think you can bring up ESPN without noting this. I don't think I need to mention the fact that ESPN believes that the only teams anyone cares about is the Yankees, Red Sox, Patriots, Cowboys, Celtics, Giants and Lakers because they are mentally impaired, but I did it anyways. I honestly believe that ESPN goes out of their way to not have any idea what they are talking about with teams outside of the "Big 7." Yes, they too criticized Jay Cutler and the Bears offense, talking about how bad they were. Insinuating that Devin Hester isn't a go to guy because he had 6 passes thrown to him and only caught two. Oh yeah, and they talk about how the Bills first string offense was so much better than the Bears' first string defense, and they basically walked all over the Bears... except the score was 3-3 when they both exited the field. But what would you expect from the worlds largest sports network that only cares, or watches games that the "Big 7" play.

Also, would Stuart Scott please stop pretending to be a hip black guy. Dude, you're nearly 50, and you're still using lines that were popular only in 1995. No one thinks you and your crazy eye is funny, hip, or black. Seriously, Stuart Scott is as black as Vanilla Ice. In fact, the latter may have a little more street cred, whatever that means. But what would you expect from the least knowledgable sporting network.

I guess I don't understand how the richest and "most powerful" sporting network gets ALL the sporting information last. Who really goes to ESPN to see breaking news when you can go to such sites as MLBTradeRumors.com or Kffl.com. Honestly, I've seen ESPN put information on their website about how something isn't going to happen, and at the same time it actually happened. ESPN keeps that post up for about 30 minutes until one of their whizzes finds out. But what would you expect from a sporting network that has down syndrome (all we need to do is look at Scott's eye to figure this out).

I know, I know, this was supposed to be a post about the Bears' first preseason game, but I felt ESPN and their mental disorder needed to be discussed. So really quickly let me get back to my main point and tell you everything that you need to know about the game. 1) The Bears lost, 2) Jay Cutler is healthy, and 3) who cares, its freaking preseason!!!! Sorry for the rant, but these are just a few of my quick thoughts.