Thursday, April 30, 2015

2015 NFL Draft Live Blogging

Dan and I are returning this year to share our thoughts that no one wants to read, but will have to anyway.  We'll be discussing the 2015 NFL Draft, and deciding how teams did in the first round until the Bears selection.  This post will be updated until the Bears make their pick.  Enjoy!

6:42 pm: Dan and I are already discussing trade opportunities to get "You Know Who" (Cutler) out of Chicago and back to the place where he played the best football of his life (Nashville).  Our idea for a trade is as follows:

TEN gets: Cutler, CHI 1st round pick (7), CHI 3rd round pick, CLE 3rd round pick, CHI 4th round pick
CHI gets : CLE first round pick (12), CLE first round pick (17)
CLE gets: TEN first round pick (2)

6:51 pm: Bears want to get rid of Cutler (Hooray!), but Tennessee doesn't want him (Boo!).

6:54 pm: Hannah Davis may be attractive, but those horse commercials are god awful.  Bring back Rob Lowe!

6:55 pm: Dan apparently likes the horse commercials.  I still don't.  My list of favorite things is as follows:

1. Pizza
2. Alcohol
3. Sports
670. Getting stuck in line behind an old lady with a shopping cart full of groceries in the express lane (and she's got a checkbook).
671. Horse commercials for DirecTV
10000000. Jay Cutler

7:02 pm: Let's get this show on the road.  Some of us have to work tomorrow.  Hand in your selection cards, people.

7:04 pm: Roger "Darth Vader + Hitler + the big ass dinosaur from Jurassic Park 3" Goodell takes the stage.  BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Dan: "See Goodell, Boo Goodell".  Well said, sir.

7:05 pm: Dan: "wtf is earthquake cam"

7:08 pm: Dan "No way Lovie researched a QB".  I agree.  That guy can't reverse engineer a decent offense even though he's a defensive wizard.

7:09 pm: Does anyone ever talk about how awful Winston was in the first half of most games this past year?  The only reason he led some comebacks is because he managed to dig his team into a hole to start with.

7:11 pm: Gruden finally talks about how terrible Winston can be at times.

7:12 pm: The Bucs select Winston and are rewarded with a 4-12 record.

7:13 pm: Dan: "Poor Tampa.  Even if the guy grows up, he'll never be elite."  I agree.  His throwing motion is too slow.

7:18 pm: Dan reports that the Eagles want to trade their team to move up to #2.

7:21 pm: Titans pick Marcus Marioto.  Eagles are relieved Mariota is still available.  Dan: "How do you possibly screw up his name?"

7:23 pm: Dan: "I wonder what the offers were, but this is a good pick for Tennessee. Too bad we wont get to see Mettenberger develop. This should get the Titans to third in their division for sure. But I dont think they are better than Houston by making their pick."

7:24 pm: The Titans don't need a QB.  I still think they trade him when they get an offer they like.  Maybe the Liberty Bell.

7:27 pm: Jags select Fowler and Dan and I laugh.  Fowler may be a good player, but he's not the best player on the board.

7:28 pm: Dan "Oakland might have looked at Gurley if Williams was gone."  Should be Williams to Oakland now.  They'll be laughing all the way to the bank.  In Los Angeles.

7:29 pm: Dan "Jax has a defensive coach and they should have had good film on him. Solid pick for Jax but I would have taken williams there"

7:34 pm: Raiders take Cooper.  He'll certainly help the offense, but the best player in the draft remains on the board.  Dan "Roll Tide".

7:36 pm: Dan "Cooper is not as good as Julio Jones, but Kevin White is."

7:37 pm: Dan "The R******s are on the clock. Get ready for a Dan Snyder special."  Can they use their pick to send back RG3?

7:38 pm: Dan and Kiper agree.  Washington needs an O Line.

7:39 pm: Washington selects Scherff.  They may have a cornerstone to build their line around now.  RG3 may only end up on the ground on 70% of the plays now.

7:40 pm: Dan "Color me surprised. Anything they can do to keep their QB upright was a good choice. Shocking they did the right thing."

7:47 pm: Jets take Williams.  Their defense is now illegal.  They have to play the Texans 16 times a season that will all end up in a 0-0 tie.Dan "More reason to hate the jets. Kevin White step right up".

7:50 pm: The Bears already have their pick in. Dan "Ryan Pace means business."

7:53 pm: Bears take Kevin White.  Certainly a risky pick.  I would have traded down or gone with defense.  However, the dude is a freak.  Good luck to him. Dan "great pick. I obviously love WV wrs and this is no exception."

Overall, not too many surprises, other than that Williams hung around for so long.  I still think Marioto gets traded to Philly before the preseason.

This concludes our coverage of the 1st round.  See you again next year.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Another Year, Another Half-Dozen Fantasy Teams

Hey guys,

It's time once again for NFL dorks the world over to start perusing training camp reports, finding out who's "in the best shape of their lives," and seeking for the sleepers that will more than likely never awaken (Jared Cook).

It's time to sit online and do mock drafts in leagues that in no way resemble your own.  It's time to buy shamefully outdated fantasy football magazines because you failed to sufficiently do your homework before your draft, and your printer is broken, and you need a cheat sheet.  It's time to then "donate" that magazine from June to the guy in your league who's even more clueless than you, and watch him take Josh Gordon in the second round.

It's time to pony up several (hundred) dollars that you'll likely never see again.  You'd be better off buying lottery tickets.  It's time to rediscover your love of Matthew Berry and Scott Pianowski and twenty other dudes just like us except for their work ethic and willingness to perform under deadline pressure.


To be perfectly honest, my main motivation for writing this piece is to bury Ryan's World Cup trash talk, and that's almost good enough justification even if I don't write another word.  Never mind that, let's talk drafting.

Since the dawn of fake football time, the conventional wisdom held that with your first two picks, you needed to take two running backs.  "RB-RB" remains a decent strategy, if you're fifty.  Maybe I'm biased because I always end up with low picks in every draft since I was a teenager and Priest Holmes was unstoppable.  But look, the failure rate of highly drafted running backs has been on the rise for many years.  RBs these days are mostly a disposable commodity in the NFL.  It sucks (for them), but that's the reality.

I feel like the better approach with running backs is to try to get one 'bell-cow' type dude, and then a WHOLE BUNCH of lottery tickets late - your Carlos Hydes (though I still think Frank Gore is immortal), your Devonta Freemans, your [fill in the blank with this year's Zac Stacy] on waivers after Week 6.

More and more, I've been leaning towards the stud wideouts and quarterbacks in the first two rounds.  I'll take at most one running back, unless somebody drops.  With pick 10, for example, I've been doing a whole lot of drafting Demaryius Thomas or AJ Green, followed by Aaron Rodgers early in the second.  An alternative using RB-RB would have me taking Demarco Murray and Giovani Bernard.  I feel a lot safer with the true blue-chippers early, regardless of position.  Safety with high picks, risks with low picks.

If you have a very high first round selection, however, you should totally go RB first.  Jamaal Charles, LeSean McCoy, Matt Forte, and Adrian Peterson shouldn't be passed up for anybody except maybe Jimmy Graham or Calvin Johnson.  Basically, those should be your top six picks in virtually any draft, in virtually any order.  I would then follow up late in the second by getting a top notch guy at a different position from your first guy, whatever that happens to be.  Go for value.

I will have more thoughts and some love-hates as D(raft)-Day approaches.  My drafts for my three conventional leagues are August 23, 24, and 25.  And the defense only league (hell yeah the defense only league) drafts September 1.  Please comment if you have more thoughts, requests on specific topics of discussion, or just want to thank me for burying Ryan.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

My Semi-Humble Lesson on Soccer

Well, it appears as though I got robbed. For a little bit, it looked like I was going to enjoy the prominence I deserve. It looked like Argentina was going to win the World Cup.

However, the German's cheated and won 1-0 in extra time. That's okay. I still reigned supreme in the Group Stage, and I was a cheating German away from taking the whole damn thing. Essentially, I had the most dominant team. I think that's undeniable. I'll just take the whole sweep next time.

But, out of the generous nature of my own heart and my own innate desire to compete, I will give you guys some tips to take with you as you ponder how to stack up with me in four years time. So, without further adieu, here are five tips to live by:

1) Be Me: This one is simple. You have to be me. If you aren't me, you're screwed.

2) Pick the Best Teams: This one is also simple. Don't pick bad teams *Cough* Tim and Tim *Cough* The rest of you will struggle with this one unless, of course, the first tip is met.

3) Actually Do Some Research: This one goes out to Tim Transon. You picked the two teams who were clearly going to finish last in their respective brackets in rounds 3 and 4. Don't do that. That was stupid.

4) Don't Make a Retarded Pick Second Overall: Tim Fodor, you still had Argentina and Germany on the board, and you went with Spain. This was as bad as it gets. May God have mercy on your soul.

5) Be Me: If you aren't me, there is really no point. Sorry. You might as well just concede if you're not me. If you're not me, than the rest of these tips are really just moot.

So there you have it. The 5 essential tips to winning the World Cup pool... You know what? Screw it. I'll give you one more BONUS tip:

6) Don't Be STEVE NOFFKE: If you're Steve Noffke, I think we can pretty much all agree you're screwed. So, don't be him. If you are Steve, there may be some hope: Lobotomy.

In four years, I don't want to hear that my tips were for nothing. If you fail to read this, well, then that's on you. Goodluck!

Friday, June 27, 2014

ACSS World Cup Pool

Now that the Group Stage is over, we can focus on the Knockout round and the winner of the second half of our pool. The good news is everyone still has teams left.


Players with 3 Team(s) Left: 3
Players with 2 Team(s) Left: 2
Players with 1 Team(s) Left:3

We had 2 4th round picks make it through with Nigeria for Colin and Costa Rica for Ryan

We had 2 3rd round pick make it through as well with Algeria for Mark Fodor and Mexico For Ryan

Lastly, only two first round picks didn't make it through. Spain (#2 overall) for Tim Fodor and Portugal (#7 overall) for me

Here is a list of the teams each player has left. Here's a link to the knockout round schedule

  • Dave Weir
    • Geramany
    • Netherlands
  • Mark Fodor
    • Uraguay
    • France
    • Algeria
  • Tim Fodor
    • Greece
    • USA!
  • Ryan Parrent
    • Argentina
    • Mexico
    • Costa Rica
  • Colin O'Shea
    • Colombia
    • Chile
    • Nigeria
  • Steve Noffke
    • Belgium
  • Tim Transon
    • Switzerland
  • Dan Noffke
    • Brazil

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

ACSS World Cup Pool Standings

Hello Everyone

Congrats to Ryan. He won the group stage by 2 points over Colin.

I think we can already give away the award for biggest flop of the tournament to the #2 overall pick Spain! Congrats Tim Fodor on that one. I am excited because my first round pick Portugal was in the running, but  won't have to take that crown.

Below are the standings.These standings are as the completion of play for all Groups

Team Points Goal Dif
Ryan Parrent 24 7
Colin O'Shea 22 9
Dave Weir 20 9
Mark Fodor 17 0
Steve Noffke 17 -5
Dan Noffke 13 -4
Tim Fodor 11 -11
Tim Transon 11 -5

Here is the team by team breakdown

Dave Weir Points Goal Dif
Colin O'Shea Points Goal Dif
Germany 7 5
Columbia 9 7
Netherlands 9 7
Chile 6 2
Bosnia & Herz 3 0
Croatia 3 0
South Korea 1 -3
Nigeria 4 0
Total 20 9
Total 22 9

Mark Fodor Points Goal Dif
Steve Noffke Points Goal Dif
Uruguay 6 0
Portugal 4 -3
France 7 6
Belgium 9 3
Algeria 4 1
Ivory Coast 3 -1
Honduras 0 -7
Japan 1 -4
Total 17 0
Total 17 -5

Tim Fodor Points Goal Dif
Tim Transon Points Goal Dif
Spain 3 -3
Switzerland 6 1
Greece 4 -2
Italy 3 -1
USA! 4 0
Ghana 1 -2
Australia 0 -6
Iran 1 -3
Total 11 -11
Total 11 -5

Ryan Parrent Points Goal Dif
Dan Noffke Points Goal Dif
Argentina 9 3
Brazil 7 5
England 1 -2
Russia 2 -1
Mexico 7 3
Ecuador 4 0
Costa Rica 7 3
Cameroon 0 -8
Total 24 7
Total 13 -4

Friday, June 6, 2014

2014 Armchair Superstar World Cup Pool

Hello Everyone

Welcome back 4 years later to the Armchair Superstar world Cup Pool. We have 7 players coming back from last time and have lost Derek Wilson, but we picked up this blog's favorite reader who isn't a write Tim Fodor (Mark's little brother).

Here are the rules

  • Buy-In $20
  • 8 Players 
  • 4 Teams Per Player
  • Team Selection: 4 round snake order draft. Rules explained below. I will get Jamie to rig randomly select the draft order posted below. 
  •  Ways to win 
    •  ½ Pot goes to Player with the World Cup Winning Team 
    • ½ Pot goes to Player with most points in Group Stage  
      • Tiebreakers for the group stage will be determined the same way as FIFA does (See section 42.5) which basically goes as follows 
        •  Goal Difference in all group Matches
        • Greatest number of goals scored in all group matches 
        • And then more if needed


Last time we did this, and I think it worked out pretty well, we did a "slow" draft. Basically the draft start as soon as this post goes up. The person with the #1 pick can take as long or as short as they'd like. As long as all picks are in by the first match which is the 12th.

Picks can be submitted via the blog in the comments, article or you can text me and I will update this article with the new picks.

Here's a link with all the available teams.

I will do my best to update the blog as often as I can with Matches being completed. I know I enjoyed this last time so I hope everyone does as well

Alright, now what you've all been waiting for, the draft order.

And Brazil goes too.........................

Round 1
  1. Dan Noffke       Brazil
  2. Tim Fodor         Spain
  3. Ryan Parrent     Argentina
  4. Dave Weir         Germany
  5. Mark Fodor       Uruguay
  6. Colin O'Shea     Columbia
  7. Stephen Noffke Portugal
  8. Tim Transon      Switzerland

Round 2

  1. Tim Transon      Italy
  2. Stephen Noffke  Belgium
  3. Colin O'Shea      Chile
  4. Mark Fodor        France
  5. Dave Weir          Netherlands
  6. Ryan Parrent      England
  7. Tim Fodor          Greece
  8. Dan Noffke        Russia

Round 3

1. Dan Noffke             Ecuador
2. Tim Fodor               USA!
3. Ryan Parrent           Mexico
4. Dave Weir               Bosnia and Herzegovina
5. Mark Fodor             Algeria
6. Colin O'Shea           Croatia
7. Stephen Noffke       Ivory Coast
8. Tim Transon            Ghana

Round 4

1. Tim Transon          Iran
2. Stephen Noffke     Japan
3. Colin O'Shea         Nigeria
4. Mark Fodor           Honduras
5. Dave Weir             South Korea
6. Ryan Parrent         Costa Rica
7. Tim Fodor             Australia
8. Dan Noffke           Cameroon

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