Dissecting ESPN's Scouts Inc. NFL Rankings By Position: The Linebackers

Although I had said after my last dissection that I was going to next move on to the Tight Ends, I decided that that would have just been boring as all hell (albeit it an excuse to post G-Reg's 7th Floor Crew rap). So instead today I bring you the Linebackers!


(Grades in () )

1. DeMarcus Ware (94): With this grade, Ware is the highest rated overall player in the NFL. Although I don't know if I would normally spout his name off the top of my head if someone were to ask me who the top player was, I would definitely at list consider him. Since coming into the league in the 2005 season, his lowest season sack total was 8. This total was not only his lowest, but also the only time he has gone under 10 sacks on the year. Last year he came within 2.5 sacks of sharing the league record set by Michael Strahan in 2001. He has made the Pro Bowl each of the last three seasons, and will most likely continue to dominate this season as well. Much like former college teammate Osi Umenyiora, he is also a trader to War Eagle fans across the country by being from Auburn, yet choosing to go to Troy. As someone who has been to Troy, AL I can only imagine that he was paid off, because that town is nothing to write home about.

2. James "Silverback" Harrison (93): Plain and simple, if I saw Harrison walking towards me, I would probably void my bowels and run away crying. He has got to be by far one, if not THE most intimidating defensive player in the league. He shows unwavering aggression, as well as some surprisingly decent speed (as seen during his Super Bowl pick 6). Not only is he an intimidating presence to other players, but he also allegedly (charges were thrown out) assaulted his girlfriend, and as this fan from Cleveland (reportedly to also have the highest IQ of any Browns fan) can show us, even the fans aren't safe from this 2-time Pro Bowler/2008 NFL Defensive Player of the Year:


3. Shawne "Lights Out" Merriman (92): I'm calling bullshit on this one. I don't care what his stats for the first three years of his career say (2005-2007), the guy tested positive for roids and got suspended for it. Not only that, his sack dance makes him look more spastic than an epileptic at a strobe light expo. As noted during my rundown of running backs, MJD knocked this guy on his ass (video link in that post), so take that for what it is (5'6" RB lays out 6'4" LB). And lest we forget the recent legal problems with his current significant other, the delightfully trashy Tila Tequila:


4. Patrick Willis (90): I was going to try and come up with some bitter argument about why Urlacher should have beaten this young two-time Pro Bowler out in at least one of his two seasons in the league...but statistically I cannot. He's a good player, who has been coached by the greatest pants-dropper in the NFL (next to Esera Tuaolo of course), the baddest dude on the '85 Bears: "Samurai" Mike Singletary!


5. (Tie) Karlos Dansby (86): Uhh, k. I mean he has some decent stats, but, uh....he spells Karlos with a K so I guess he's unique in that respect at least.

5. (Tie) Terrell Suggs (86): Phew, for a second there I was losing hope in the rest of the post, back to someone relevant! Although he has made the Pro Bowl 3 times, his stats really aren't anything special at all. When it comes down to it, the Raven's defense is noted more for Ed Reed and Stabby McStabs-Alot than Suggs. So I'm just going to go out on a limb and say that although he is a good player, he should be lower on this list when compared to other players.

7. (Tie) Lance Briggs (85): Woohoo a Bear in the top 10 in his position!!! Briggs has made the Pro Bowl each of the past four seasons, and as of late has been the most dominant member of the Bears D. I expect that number to reach 5 this season. And although it's his jersey number, like Sammy Hagar, Lance clearly 'Can't Drive 55'


7. (Tie) Jon Beason (85): Pretty good numbers, belongs in the top 10. This Pro Bowler/7th Floor Crew member should make the top 10 alone on the accolade of being a former Hurricane without a criminal background.

9. (Tie) Aaron Kampman (83): Normally I would put Kampman easily within the top 10 for his position...but that was back when he played DE. Now that the Pack has switched to a 3-4, Kampman has been moved to linebacker. Because of this switch, I feel that until I see how well he can handle the new system I'd have him a little lower on the list. On a side (and actually serious) note, Kampman went to Aplington-Parkersburg High School in Iowa, where an average student population of under 300 students has produced 4 NFL players. This speaks volumes about the dedication of these players, as well as the coach Ed Thomas, who tragically had his life taken earlier this year. I think I speak for everyone when I say that I hope the bastard who shot him rots in hell.

9. (Tie) Keith Bullock (83): How'd this guy get ahead of Urlacher? Solid player, but not better than Brian.

11. (Tie) Brian Urlacher (82): I may just be being a homer about this, but although Urlacher has lost a little bit of his groove over the past two seasons, he still puts up some damn good numbers (some better than several of the players listed above). I think that if you have to put Brian out of the top 10 for this, then the same should have been done with Brett Favre. His Old Spice Swagger commercial should have at least given him the edge over Bullock.



Next up: Defensive Ends

One more thing I have to gripe about: Blogger's editing interface blows