Friday, August 21, 2009

Caleb Hanie For President

So I was skimming and found this article by the mostly enjoyable Don Banks about backup QBs.

Guess who is dead last in his rankings of backup QBs, that's right, Caleb Hanie. The man people wanted to see start at QB last year for the Bears. I personally love Caleb Hanie, but I understand this ranking. He's never played a down, he didn't have that much hype in college or coming out of college like Smith, Young or Lienhart. Still, I like Caleb and think he's going to be a fine backup QB. Saying that, would I be terrified if Cutler is unable to play, you bet I would.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Dissecting ESPN's Scouts Inc. NFL Rankings By Position: The Quarterbacks

Well ladies, gents, and assholes of all kinds, welcome to my inaugural post on this blog. Those who know me know that I can go off on profound diatribes on a cornucopia of topics, especially sports. I often find myself spewing unsolicited vitriol on members of the sporting community, be it team, player, owner, network, coach…well, you get the picture. But I digress; today I’m going to begin my lengthy assessment on the Scouts Inc. 2009 NFL Player Rankings on ESPN…and the breadth of bullshit that comes along.

Each day, I'm going to give a rundown of the top 10 players at a specific position as listed on ESPN (Note: You must be an insider to see Grades and "official" scouting reports, but the rankings are free), and then where the Bears players happen to be ranked. Let the fun begin!

(Grades in () )

1.Tom Brady (94): I actually don't have a problem with this. Although, you never know how someone will perform after spending 99.8% of last season on IR.

2. Peyton Manning (93): I can't disagree with this one either, although after having to endure Colts fans for four years in Bloomington, part of me hopes that the 6'5" QB with a Laser/Rocket arm suffers a career ending injury so I can bask in schadenfreude of cosmic proportions.

3. Ben Roethlisberger (92): The guy has won 2 Super Bowls in only a few seasons in the league, can't argue with that production. Also, if Coach Hep liked him, he must be good people...even if it does look as though he rides the short bus to and fro Heinz Field (as evidenced by the image below)

4. Drew Brees (89): This guy has done wonders for a few of my fantasy teams over the past few years. I think it's a travesty that (from what I've seen) more people associate the Saints with Reggie Bush (aka the Rashaan Salaam of the South) instead of Brees.

5. Carson Palmer (86): You know, considering how many felons the Bengals have, this guy could get caught with a Thai hooker & blitzed off an entire bottle of Bourbon, and he'd still be closest thing to Sainthood on that team.

Now here's where the fun begins....

6. (Tie) Matt Cassel (81): ARE YOU F*$%#@* SERIOUS?! HOW THE F*#$@ DOES A GUY WHO HAS SPENT ALL OF HIS CAREER UNTIL LAST YEAR AS A BENCHWARMER GET RANKED 6th IN THE ENTIRE F*&$#@^ NFL?! Ok, yes the guy had good stats last year, but remember he had the best O-line in the game protecting him, and 2 Pro-Bowlers to throw to (and before anyone makes the argument for Brady having the same luxuries, Cassel sure as shit isn't capable of throwing 50 TDs and only 8 Ints in a season like Brady did). Let's just give a run-down of the QBs who are better than (yet ranked below) the guy who wasn't even good enough to beat out Matt Leinart at USC:

Donovan McNabb, Kurt Warner, Jay Cutler, Philip Rivers, Tony Romo (this is big of me to say, because I really can't stand the guy), Matt Ryan, Aaron Rodgers.

6.(Tie) Elisha Manning (81): I've called him overrated before, but I think he's become a pretty reliable QB. I think his improbable Super Bowl win has got a lot of people overestimating him, but I wouldn't put him out of the top 10.

8. (Tie) Brett Favre (80): Favre is a first-ballot HOF lock, but in the past few seasons he's had more picks than ?uestlove from the Roots. I sincerely doubt that he still has the ability to put up the kind of numbers he used to. I can guarantee that at least four of the QBs ranked below him will have a better season...oh and I look forward to him making the Bear's DBs look like Pro-bowlers two times this year.

8. (Tie) Donovan McNabb (80): Catholic League What-What! Although McNabb went to my rival HS, I have to give him some props. If he can stay healthy and out of trouble with his new buddy on the depth chart, I think McNabb & the Eagles can make a pretty good playoff run.

8. (Tie) Kurt Warner (80): Jesus will keep Warner safe. He (like many other old people) has some hip problems, but I believe that he still has at least one good year left in the tank...although he's probably more likely to want to stay home now that his wife looks like this:

Instead of this:

(Note: I realize that Brenda Warner has dealt with unfortunate health problems in the past, but I've been told she kept that look for a while after they were addressed and treated. Trust me, I'm not that big of an asshole.)

8. (Tie) Joe Flacco (80): No way in hell should he be ranked this high, plain and simple...also, the guy is a millionaire, ditch the unibrow Bert.

12. Tony Ho, er, Romo (79): EPIC FAIL...yet still better than Cassel and Flacco, and I do have to admit the guy has balls for dumping Jessica Simpson like a day before her birthday.

(I know Romo is out of the top 10. I just wanted an excuse to post that picture)

16. (Tie) Jay Cutler (75): This is why I'm agreeing with the previous post about ESPN hating Cutler. The guy had a great year at Denver last year. Was it Jay's fault that they had a dog-shit defense? No. Did he throw for 4,526 yards, 25 TDs, a QB rating of 86, and was voted into the Pro-Bowl. Yes. So tell me why the hell he's ranked below Cassel, Flacco, and even JASON F&(*#@$* CAMPBELL (15)?! I know his receiving corps isn't the same here, but he's got a helluva lot more potential and pure talent than most QBs in this league. Plus he does it all while having Diabetes, so take that less talented QBs whose bodies produce insulin the way they're supposed to!

Honorable mention to several QBs who are better than some of the people ranked above them:

13. Matt Ryan, 14. Philip Rivers, 18. Aaron Rodgers, 23. Chad Pennington

Tomorrow: Running Backs, see you then!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Vikings Sign Interception Machine!

The Minnesota Vikings shocked the sporting world today by signing Brett Favre... Okay, okay, shocked may be too strong of a word. How about the Minnesota Vikings signed Brett Favre today, which everyone and their mother knew was going to happen. So, what does this signing mean for the Bears? Well, I don't know, is it good that the all-time leader in interceptions just signed with a team that really cannot afford turnovers? I personally think the Minnesota Vikings made a mistake. Not only did the bring in a 40 year old man to be their QB, they brought in a 40 year old man to be their QB who hasn't practiced, is unfamiliar with the players and playbook, and has thrown more career interceptions than any other QB.

On top of all this, over the past four years he has thrown 2,278 passes of those passes he has completed 1,414 for a completion percentage of 62%. That is pretty good. However, he has thrown 88 TD's to 84 INTs. Which means he has averaged 22 TDS and 21 INTS a season. Also, take into consideration the fact that in only 1 of those seasons did he toss more TDs than INTs, however he did manage to thrown an INT which cost the Packers a trip to the Superbowl that year.

Even better for the Bears is just how AWFUL he has been against the Bears since Lovie Smith took over: Brett Favre has completed 176 of 307 attempts which is a completion percentage of 57.3% for 1,972 yards with 5 TDs and 15 Interceptions against the Bears. Oh yeah, and his yards are so high because in the 8 games he played us he threw over 40 attempts 5 times and 50 attempts twice.

Another important stat, against Lovie Smith Brett Favre is 2-6. So, enjoy Minnesota, I know the Bears will!

Does ESPN Hate Jay Cutler?

Now, before I begin writing this, I am very very very pro Cutler. He was my favorite non-Bear last season and I have enjoyed him in college. But does ESPN hate Jay Cutler?

In the 2-3 weeks since camp has started ESPN has way overblown two of his quotes.

First quote:

Denver is a 6 while Chicago is a 9.

Now this can seem to be like he’s putting Denver down, and if you read just that one line quote it does sound like a bitter player dising his old team. ESPN stirred up a frenzy with this and discussed for hours on a Thursday and Friday calling Cutler immature. This also got the city of Denver all worked up about it, now complaining about Cutler. Hell even the Sports Guy commented about it in a podcast. But his comments where based on what he heard from ESPN, who again just took this one line of quote and over analyzed it to kingdom come. The thing that shocks me, is that Cutler said this quote on Chicago’s ESPN Radio 1000. It occurred on their mid-day show Waddle and Silvy which I am a regular listener. It was a Monday and they were live at camp and were lucky enough to have Cutler join them. I listened to the entire interview and thought nothing spectacular was said just some good laughs and some Jay Cutler love. Thursday the ESPN storm clouds start forming and they start coming down on Cutler for his quote (So much for timely reporting). The problem was, they just used that quote, had they listened to the whole thing, or even the 1 minute leading up to that quote they would have realized he wasn’t putting down Denver. The entire conversation leading up to this quote was about Bears training camp and the atmosphere around training camp. Everyone and there sister could tell you that Bears fans are in a frenzy around Cutler and were super excited to see camp start. They broke their attendance record for camp. So while discussing what the camp atmosphere was like, Cutler said his 6 and 9 quote. Having never been to Denver’s camp, but I’m guessing in the time since Cutler has been there, there was never a camp like this one for obvious reasons. These types of camps only come with big signings or Championship seasons. So yeah, I bet 2009 Bears training camp has outshined all his other camps. He’s not trying to put Denver down, he was trying to express how crazy Chicagoans are going for him. I bet you anyone in Denver could have told you that Chicagoans are going crazier in camp this season then they ever have.

Second Quote:

Devin Hester is a go get it WR not a go up and get it WR.

Cutler got ESPN in a flurry about this too. The talking heads started making comments about how he threw his WR under the bus or what a terrible leader he is. What? Really? Maybe Cutler could have worded it better, but that’s a big assumption. Cutler was trying to say something along the lines of, in Denver I had guys like Marshall who, when I needed to force a throw, I could throw it up, and he would out jump everyone and catch it. Now that I’m here in Chicago, I shouldn’t throw it high cuase Hester won’t do that, I should throw it as far as I can cause Hester is the only one who has a chance to catch it. Cutler was putting the blame on himself and saying he needs to get used to his players and here’s how he’s going to get better. Not, Hester needs to do a better job of jumping, or GM needs to get me better WRs or throwing anyone under the bus. No, he was breaking down a play for the media, and the talking heads decided to dissect every last piece of it.

Now I might be lumping ESPN too much with Mark Sclerth. Why does Mark Schlerth hate Jay Cutler? (It pains me to rip into a fellow o-lineman who is usually so insightful). But since day 1 Mark has been tearing into this deal. He said the Bears are worse from the trade they made? HOW? We gave away 2 #1 picks a #2 and Orton. So with our 2009 draft pick we drafted Jay Cutler. So now it looks like we gave away a #1 and a #2. Two unproven players who have a 50% chance of never being good. Who doesn’t make this trade. But Stink had his feelings hurt that anyone would ever want to leave Denver (where if you ever listened to him, he played with one of the greatests QBs of all time so he is the expert on great QBs now not O-line play, if you have a great QB you never have to worry about it as an o-lineman, o did he mention he played with one of the greatest QBs? I honestly think he has that on his Business card).

So Ok, I understand, maybe the two players turn out and Cutler is just average whatever the deal might not work out, but he continues to attack Cutler on the stupidest things. Just get over it and move on buddy seriously.

So I guess I’ll leave it at that so I don’t upset ESPN too much and they threaten to remove the chip from my brain.

Sweaty Freddy Returns

The pitcher who started the clinching game of the 2005 World Series will be on the mound tonight at Sox Park. Guess who will be there to watch his return. That’s right another game for Steve another 2005 White Sox Starter (Buehrle’s Perfect Game, Contreas in Milwaukee, and Freddy Tonight now if I could only find Garland). I do not expect much from good old 34 (who will look odd wearing 43) tonight except for 8 shut out innings similar to game 4 of the 2005 WS. No, I’d be happy if he can get into the 7th with a handful of K’s and no walks. Random question, I remember when the Sox first got Freddy, everybody talked about how him and Ozzie were best friends. Is that still the case, this time around I have not heard that. It might be because last time we got him Freddy was an All-Star for the Mariners and this time is might be washed up.

I will be back tomorrow with a full recap of the sights and sounds for Sox Park. I’ll be in the Outfield so look for me on TV catching a HR or in the lower bowl at the game.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Dissecting Peter King

Everybody's favorite Brett Favre worshipper, Sports Illustrated's Peter King, is an interesting writer. On one hand, he gets great inside scoops and has solid insight on the league and most of its major players.

On the other hand, let's admit it, he's kind of annoying.

Imagine my joy, therefore, at finding THIS SITE, where the writers dissect each and every PK column right after they come out.

I don't think I'll ever look at Monday Morning Quarterback the same way.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Bears First Preseason Game

One of the first things I did this morning was open up the Trib's sports section and read Rick Morrissey's article in which he basically says that Cutler has left him with an empty feeling after the first game, yada yada yada, unimportant babble. This article has given me a few questions for Mr. Morrisey: How dumb are you? Is this the first time you've ever watched a preseason game? Did you not believe Lovie Smith when he said the offensive game planning would be manilla? How did you get your job writing about the Bears?

Seriously, why would the Bears be show casing Jay Cutler's ability and the offensive game plan in preseason... not just preseason but the first game of preseason. The only thing the Bears needed was Jay to get off the field without an injury, which he did. The Bears don't need to showcase their offense for you Mr. Morrissey, they need to do whatever they can to win. This would include NOT showcasing their offense and giving away what they plan on doing this year. I'd rather win the game versus the Packers than ANY preseason games.

Which brings me to my next point: ESPN has down syndrome. I don't mean to mock those with this mental impairment but I don't think you can bring up ESPN without noting this. I don't think I need to mention the fact that ESPN believes that the only teams anyone cares about is the Yankees, Red Sox, Patriots, Cowboys, Celtics, Giants and Lakers because they are mentally impaired, but I did it anyways. I honestly believe that ESPN goes out of their way to not have any idea what they are talking about with teams outside of the "Big 7." Yes, they too criticized Jay Cutler and the Bears offense, talking about how bad they were. Insinuating that Devin Hester isn't a go to guy because he had 6 passes thrown to him and only caught two. Oh yeah, and they talk about how the Bills first string offense was so much better than the Bears' first string defense, and they basically walked all over the Bears... except the score was 3-3 when they both exited the field. But what would you expect from the worlds largest sports network that only cares, or watches games that the "Big 7" play.

Also, would Stuart Scott please stop pretending to be a hip black guy. Dude, you're nearly 50, and you're still using lines that were popular only in 1995. No one thinks you and your crazy eye is funny, hip, or black. Seriously, Stuart Scott is as black as Vanilla Ice. In fact, the latter may have a little more street cred, whatever that means. But what would you expect from the least knowledgable sporting network.

I guess I don't understand how the richest and "most powerful" sporting network gets ALL the sporting information last. Who really goes to ESPN to see breaking news when you can go to such sites as or Honestly, I've seen ESPN put information on their website about how something isn't going to happen, and at the same time it actually happened. ESPN keeps that post up for about 30 minutes until one of their whizzes finds out. But what would you expect from a sporting network that has down syndrome (all we need to do is look at Scott's eye to figure this out).

I know, I know, this was supposed to be a post about the Bears' first preseason game, but I felt ESPN and their mental disorder needed to be discussed. So really quickly let me get back to my main point and tell you everything that you need to know about the game. 1) The Bears lost, 2) Jay Cutler is healthy, and 3) who cares, its freaking preseason!!!! Sorry for the rant, but these are just a few of my quick thoughts.