Dissecting ESPN's Scouts Inc. NFL Rankings By Position: The Wide Receivers

I feel like I let the loyal five readers of this blog down by saying I would write my second post a day after my first...and proceeded to wait nearly two weeks instead, so I decided to be overly generous/ambitious/superkalafragilisticexpialidocious and write a second post in one day!

(Truthfully, it's because I'm terribly alone, and my only friend was a 1-900# operator who has decided she is too good for my Discover Card these days)

So without further ado, here is my rundown of the Top 10 Wideouts as ranked by ESPN (Must be an Insider to view rankings/grades...which if you're cheap like me you have a friend who lets you use their Insider password, thanks Braden!)

(Grades in () )

1. (Tie) Reggie Wayne (93): Ok, let me start by saying that ESPN begins Wayne's scouting report by indicating that he has been one of the best no.2 receivers in the league over the past 8 seasons (dually noted, and I agree). But they then go on to say that he NOW has a chance to be a no.1 this season. Did I miss something last season? Because I believe that his 82 receptions for 1,145yds made him their numero uno then above the now-unemployed/noted arms outlaw Marvin Harrison (08: 60rec, 636yds). With Peyton Manning chuckin' the ball surgically around the field, I think I could even be a good receiver. I do think that Reggie is definitely among the top 5 receivers in the league, but to be rated the highest? Meh, its up for debate.

1. (Tie) Randy Moss (93): Words most often associated with the State of West Virginia: Mountains, Hillbillies. So for a 6-time Pro-Bowler to come out of there almost automatically makes him their most famous native ever (take that Don Knotts!). The guy has played 11 seasons in the league, and has only been held under 1,000 receiving yards twice (his last season with the Vikings, and his last season with the Raiders); Both of which happen to also be the only seasons he didn't play in all 16 games (13 for each). With Tom Brady back in good health, I don't see any reason why they can't get back into the record-setting groove they carved out in 2007. Randy also has the illustrious distinction of having the creepiest likeness in mask form for an NFL player:

1. (Tie) Andre Johnson (93): This guy has made the Pro-Bowl 3 times...with David Carr (2004, 2006) and Matt Schaub (2008) as his QBs. If that doesn't speak volumes for this guy's skills, I don't know what will.

4. Larry Fitzgerald (92): Quite possibly most people's #1 Fantasy Receiver choice this year. This guy is just damn good, and as long as the Madden Curse doesn't affect him this year, he'll be heading to Honolulu Miami for the 3rd time in his short career...but of course he'll become the black sheep of his family if his brother signs a contract after being drafted by the California Redwoods of the prestigious United Football League.

5. Steve Smith (91): Noticeable Napoleon Complex aside, Smith has been a driving force on the Panthers offense since he was drafted by them in 2001. This year he was able to avoid punching a teammate during training camp (Ken Lucas wasn't available as a target after leaving on free agency); So as long as the minor shoulder injury he sustained recently not be an issue, he should be good for another 1000+ yard season.

"What was that Ken? You better stop talkin' shit or Wes Welker and I are going to get the Mini Receiver Mafia together and start biting some ankles"

6. Brandon Marshall (88): Well he's been suspended by his team for basically acting like a jackass and throwing childish tantrums that would make Jay Cutler look like a Saint (the pious kind, not the kind that play football in their city's largest public bathroom). But seriously, if I learned that my Pro-bowl QB was traded for Neckbeard I'd throw a shit-fit tantamount to a preschooler's too. *Keeps fingers crossed for a trade here still*

"They traded Jay for Who?!"

7. (Tie) Terrell Owens (85): The guy has been called a locker-room cancer on pretty much every team he has been on, but his numbers do speak a great deal for his talent having only caught for under 1000 yards once in this millennia. Although this time instead of crying for his QB's honor like he did in Dallas, this time he'll probably be crying to the media because he has to live in Buffalo...speaking of which, in Buffalo do they call Buffalo Wings just Wings?


7. (Tie) Chad Ochocinco (85): Ok, who's the smartass on Scouts Inc.'s staff who gave Ocho the 85 rating? HAHAHA...go play in traffic. Now that aside, I actually like Ocho and his antics. I think he's going to have a solid year as long as Palmer can stay healthy. Even if Chris Henry can stay out of handcuffs, I still think Ocho should see a boost in production since TJ Houshma...screw it, I'm not even gonna bother trying to spell that, is gone.

9. (Tie) Calvin Johnson (83): Wait a tick? He has a seemingly competent rookie QB this year? Well gee-golly we actually might get to see this guy actually be able to produce the numbers we know he's capable of! It wouldn't surprise me to see him jump a few spots on this list over the next few seasons if he has someone good throwing to him (even if that means getting traded...*keeps fingers crossed again*)

9. (Tie) Santonio Holmes (83): Nothing to say about this except that he's actually right about where I would think he should be on this list. That Super Bowl catch last year said it all. Oh but a word of advice Santonio? Stay away from digital cameras in the home...

(A note of thanks to the fine gents at Deadspin for covering Holmes' wang with Steely McBeam's face)

And finally we're going to play a little game called guess where the first Bear lands on the list...go ahead take your time.
..

..

..

..

..

You ready?
..

..

25. (Tie) Devin Hester (75): Well considering the fact that the guy has been an NFL receiver for only 1 full season I can't complain about this. But hey fellow Bears fans, let's look on the bright side...he's ranked higher than Berrien! (30th) I just hope that with all the money he's making Devin can cruise around the city in something sharp. Oh wait, he already is!

Stay Classy Dev!

Alright no honorable mentions this time, so stay tuned for my next post: Tight End